You duct tape your family.

You think trying to look like a walrus is both classy and attractive.

You might beat the crap out of me.

You live in some kind of furry pit.

You're passed out.

You have a horse head.

You're a penguin running from an inferno...?

You're a sad Darth Vader.

You don't want anyone to see you.

You have a threesome with a blow-up doll.

You use photos of your expensive car to over-compensate.

You wear a hat that looks like it's going to eat me.

You think bloody, mid-surgery photos are sexy.

You make out with an orangutan.

You're a man that hopes to look like a woman.

Namely, Aretha Franklin...

You're a guy who dresses up like an old woman.

And you grope your own fake boob.

You scare the sh*t out of me.

You're a man with a duck face...

...and a man fur.

You hang out with that guy...

You may shoot me with your rifle.