You're a dildo smoking a cigarette.

You smoke the largest joint of all time.

You try to eat this dog.

You're the scariest f-ing gorilla I've ever seen.

You're creepy.

You're a ham sandwich.

...named Hammy. 

You have man fur and a thong.

You specifically market yourself to gold diggers.

You rock a man fur with a speedo.

You're a naked unicorn.

You're wooden blocks...?

You're a mermaid covered in tar...?